As parents, we are always on the run to understand what our toddlers are trying to say. There are many times when the child’s behavior warms and embraces our heart. But there are other times when it probably drives you a little crazy. Handling these behaviors requires a lot of time, love and patience at the parent’s end. With the right support and guidance, children can learn to manage their strong emotions and reactions over time. In this blog, we will talk about possible signs, how to handle tantrums, when to see consultation etc.

Possible signs of tantrums in toddlers

If you see any of the below signs in your toddlers, then these behaviours could possibly be associated with anger and tantrums:

• crying
• screaming
• biting
• kicking
• stomping
• pulling or shoving
• hitting
• throwing things

Why Do Toddlers Throw Tantrums?

Toddlers cry, shout, or throw things or any of the above mentioned things when they:

• Can’t say what they want
• Are tired or hungry
• Want to do something on their own
• Feel angry, sad, or frustrated
• playing with a toy or doing an activity that is hard to figure out
• not being given something they want

Should a toddler’s tantrums bother you?

Showing tantrums is natural at this age for every kid. Per say, we need not worry much about the child unless you see unusual behavior from the child’s end. Consider talking to your paediatrician if:

• your toddler has multiple angry outbursts per day on a daily basis
• tantrums last for very lengthy stretches of time, despite your attempts to manage the behavior
• they show signs of possibly injuring themselves or others during tantrums

Some of the following factors can also make your toddler more susceptible to anger and tantrums, including:

• stress experienced in infancy
• temperamental differences
• Genetics
• Environment
• family dynamics
• parenting approaches

To learn more about your toddler social behavior, refer this post

How to help your toddler manage anger?

Tantrums are an expected part of toddlerhood, and it won’t be possible to prevent all tantrums. We must remember that these are the only ways they can express their emotions at this developmental stage. 

But here are some ways you may be able to monitor and regulate anger better:

1. Stay Calm: 

Your reaction sets the tone. When your toddler is losing control, staying composed helps in handling the situation better. Take a deep breath, count to ten if needed, and remind yourself: your child is not giving you a hard time—they are having a hard time.

Remember – Don’t shout back in any situation.

2. Talk to Your Child

Even when their behavior is disruptive, we need to remember that the child’s emotions are real. Talk to them to understand what’s going on in their mind.

Say things like:  “I know you’re upset” or “I understand you wanted the toy.” or “Its okay to feel mad” This helps your child feel heard and may reduce the intensity of their tantrum.

3. Give Simple Choices

Let your toddler choose between two things: say  “Do you want milk or juice?” This gives them a sense of control. They feel empowered and happy

4. Stick to a Routine

Keep regular times for meals, naps, and play. A fixed routine helps toddlers feel safe.

5. Use Distraction

If your child is about to start a tantrum, show them a toy, sing a song, or take them to a different place. Change your toddler’s location or move them to a quiet time-out if they’re older than 2. Sometimes removing stimulation can help your child calm down

6. Say “No” Kindly

Interact with your child to validate their emotions and help them express their feelings. Let them know that you understand that they are upset or frustrated, and that it’s OK to have these feelings. 

Don’t say “NO” too often. Instead, say:
“You can’t have this now, but we can play with it later.”

7. Avoid Punishment

Introduce humor into the situation, but never at your child’s expense. Try making a silly face or voice, or doing something else that you know your child enjoys. Never hit or yell. This can scare your child. Instead, speak gently but firmly.

8. Praise Good Behavior

Give praise and genuine affection when your child behaves in ways you like, such as being kind and gentle, say: “Good job for sharing!” or “I love how you listened.”

9. Avoid Public Confrontations – Take Them Away from Crowds

Firstly, remind yourself that tantrums are normal so letting them express their emotions is the best thing you can do for them at that moment.

If tantrums happen when you’re driving, consider pulling over if it’s safe, until the tantrum is done. If you’re out in public (like in a mall), you may take your child to a quiet spot and allow them time to calm down.

10. Talk After the Tantrum

We must remember that like us, toddlers also have a range of emotions. When your child is calm, explain things simply: ”Talk to your child about how they’re feeling and help them understand their many different emotions“ 

Special Tips for Indian Parents

1. Involving grandparents: In our Indian culture, extended family plays a significant role in child development. You can discuss with all caregivers, including grandparents and domestic help to identify possible approaches, aligning everyone together to manage tantrums better.
   
2. Ignore others’ comments: People may judge or give advice. It’s crucial to remember that tantrums are a normal part of development and not a reflection of parenting quality. Focus on what works best for your child.
   
3. No two children or families are alike: Thinking about the following questions can help you adapt and apply the information and strategies below to your unique child and family:

• What kinds of situations usually lead to your child acting aggressively?
• How do you typically react, when your child acts in ways that seem aggressive?
• Do you think this reaction is helpful to your child or not? Why?

4. Join parenting groups: Apps like Kinzy, FirstCry, Baby Center India, Parentune have Indian parents sharing tips and support.

When to seek help ?

Generally, anger in toddlers is likely not a cause for concern if it occurs for short amounts of time, even if they occur daily. 

However, If the child seems to be unusually aggressive or tantrums are more frequent, and coping with their behavior looks difficult then do not hesitate to consult your pediatrician. 

The doctor may recommend ways such as: 

• Track your child’s angry outbursts or tantrums to determine the underlying cause 
• Use different strategies to calm them down 
• Maintaining close contact with your child’s social network i.e. teachers, friends etc. to monitor their behavior

In some cases, the doctor may refer you to a child development specialist or a mental health professional to help address your child’s tantrums if they’re more frequent or severe than what’s typical.

Keep in mind that seeking professional help and intervening early may help your child better manage anger over time. 

The takeaway

Handling toddler tantrums can be tough and toll taking on yourself, but we must remember to remain patient at all times. By staying calm, acknowledging feelings, and maintaining routines, parents can navigate these challenging moments effectively. Talk to the doctor if you’re concerned that your toddler’s anger occurs too frequently or is a risk to your child or others.

Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Stay patient, stay loving, and trust in your parenting instincts.